After the Storm

I think there is a gospel principle which is not discussed as much as it is relevant.  The perfect example of this is Joseph Smith when he prayed.  If you read the account it is not till he says "I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction...I saw a pillar of light..."  It was not until he could not do anymore that God came in and rescued him.

I wouldn't say yesterday that I was about to abandon all hope by any means, but it had been one of those days and after going to dinner with Shay I felt as if I were going to go into another panic attack.  Then I go the mail.  Among the junk there was a strange letter from and address I was not familiar with, other than the city - Frisco, TX, my greenie area on the mission.

I opened the letter and found a baptism program and thank you card from a man I had taught.  He was one of those you never expect anything will come of.  Not, that he wasn't receptive simply that he would not be willing to live it.

There is no greater joy than feeling as if you you played some small role in bringing one of Father's lost children home.

A need to write

Well, it has clearly been much too long since I have written - my background has even been lost, the real sign that I have been either too busy, too tired, or too occupied with other things to know.  And while I could spend the time catching you up on what i have been doing there is not much to tell other than I have been to a bridal shower and reception every week for the last month and have one more month to go of about the same routine.

Other than that, life is about the same - work, sleep, gym and then work some more.  The kids all came back for a visit this last week and will be here for a couple weeks which will be fun - things are more chaotic with them home - the house doesn't stay clean, the milk runs out quickly, and the house is still awake after 10:30pm at night.

However, today I just needed to write.  I had a good morning and for some reason or another I feel very stressed right now.  The original plan was to get up - walk (which was deterred slightly as my knee was killing me still this morning), make breakfast (which was delayed because the milk was all gone), read my scriptures (which was distracted because people began to be awake and ask questions about all sorts of things), then enter the last 100 donations in my file into the database by 11am, make a quick Costco and Great Harvest bread run (something else I was missing this morning for breakfast), and be to work just after 12, noon.

Well, the data took longer to enter than I anticipated, Blake bailed on going to Costco and I got to work at 1:00pm.  And while I should simply accept this and move on, I am frustrated and stressed.  Which writing it all down seems quite silly.  So it took longer than I anticipated, and I'll just have to go to Costco tonight.  Not really a big deal.  Except that I still feel some angst about it - I suppose it could be some carry over from my anxiety attack last night.

Ultimately I simply wish I had 4 more hours in the day - that would give me sufficient amount of time to accomplish all that I needed to and get my necessary to stay sane 8 hours of sleep every night.  If anyone knows how to do that I am willing to pay big money.

One Year

As I was sitting reading my scriptures this morning I realized that today marks exactly one year of being home form my mission.

It seems very strange.

I was reading about faith when it hit me.  For all that know how long it took me to go on a mission, not only the time, but more the struggle with God as I pitted my will against his.  It was a true lack of faith.  A lack of faith in Jesus Christ that he had a plan for me, which was better than my plan for myself.  Looking back now I know that His plan was better.  However I am still led to ask myself, if God asked me to leave again, would I do it?  And even more so than that would I do whatever was asked of me.

In light of the overturn of California's proposition 8 yesterday, it hit me harder than it has before how close we are to the second coming of Jesus Christ.  The world in undoubtedly become more wicked and evil every day.  And people continue to choose Satan's plan.  The struggles that I and each of us will face will be more than any of us can imagine at this time.  The only thing that will get us through will be a solid foundation built upon faith in Jesus Christ.

We must have a correct understanding of Him - characteristics, attributes - we must trust Him with our whole souls if we are going to survive the next years.

I think I have a long way to go and my only hope is that I will be bale to stand till the end.

Getting Back to Normal

Well, things are slowly getting back to normal.  As normal and things can be that is - given that my family will no longer be here.  My parents went to the MTC yesterday morning - that is after the AC stopped working and we had a small flood in my room.  Literally everything in the house has broken down over the last month.  Which has no doubt added to the stress that my Mom and Dad have felt in the last several weeks, but I have also been grateful for it as it means that I do not have to deal with it all breaking down the months after they leave!

I have also been feeling much better - I feel like I am getting back to myself.  I started taking an all natural supplement, SAM-E.  You take it the morning and it helps with serotonin levels and it is all natural which is the only way that I am willing to go.  I have taken for about two weeks now, I have missed a day here and there.  There was a set of days I missed 3 or 4, and I noticed a clear difference on the fourth day I was no myself.  I will undoubtedly be looking into other things, but for now this has been a great help, and I reckon that someday I will no longer have to take it, one can only hope!

Work is moving along slowly, but it is moving forward which is a good thing.  I am adapting to my parents not being here.  Thanks to great friends and family I think all will be well, not that I ever doubted, but nonetheless.  The next week will be busy.  My parents come home from the MTC on Sunday afternoon.  We are doing dinner with family that night, a big family FHE on Monday and then they take off on Tuesday.  I leave on Thursday and will be in Detroit with them thru July 5th.  After that things could get a little boring around here...

VICTORY!

Today was primary election day.  I believe the photos explain the story.  I have supported Mike Lee from the beginning and it was awesome to see him win!  I feel that I have already been on the right (as in correct) side of an issue/person, but this time it feels really good to be on both the right side and the winning side!!

When early voting numbers came in we had a slight lead of a about 3%.  We were on the edge of our chairs the whole night watching the as the numbers came in.  Cheering at when even the percentages didn't change, but more precincts had reported.

Around 10:00 pm we realized that we were going to keep the lead...

Me and Heidi went late to the party, but ended up in the perfect spot as Mike and the core staff came down from upstairs - clearly very excited!

The phone call to Tim Bridgewater

The acceptance speech - with the family looking on.

The media - Richard Piatt, always first on the job.

It was an exciting night and you could no doubt feel the energy in the room.  I did not take these pictures - I wish I had such talent, but that is not the case.  On to a win in November!

Endure JOYFULLY to the End

It will be hard for me to express all the feelings that I have had today – going to church and seeing so many people that I love and feeling that love reciprocated by so many others.

As I woke up and got ready, I was slightly overcome with emotion – the joys that had had in the Fluckiger’s home. To be able to witness their lives, the lives of a couple who truly understand and know the truthfulness of the gospel. I had butterflies in my stomach as we went to church, it felt somewhat odd and truly surreal to be back in that building, then as I saw the missionaries at the door I was once again overcome. I sat down – Kathy Bishop was sitting with Sis. Waldbusser in front of us. I gave her a huge hug. I had been thinking about her all morning – wondering if she was going to be there, how her Dad was doing, where she was living…and there she was, I gave her a hug, but as the meeting had already begun I didn’t have time to do anything else.

Sister Holland was sitting next to us, I need to call her – there are so many I wish I could have spent more time with, seen more, talked to longer – I hope to stay longer next time. There were so many people, the Moores, the Cannons, Nelsons, Skidmores – I am confident I am leaving out so many. Gospel Principles had just started as I walked in, but I had to say Hi to James, as I shook his hand and asked how he was doing – I could tell he did not realize who I was, as I sat down behind him, he realized he knew me – I said, “Sis. Holmes”. I will never forget the look on his face. As we talked after – I just wanted to give him a big hug. He alone changed my understanding of the Atonement and the true power that it has. He said he had been in talking to the Bishop, and on the whiteboard in his office someone had written “endurance à”. Before he left, he told me he had to write “joyfully” above it. I was so touched that he would remember something like that – something that I had taught, and Bishop knew it came from me.

I have no way of explaining how much that meant to me. I assured him I would be at his baptism – there is nothing that will stop me from being there.

Sis. Fluckiger made dinner for us – pork chops & apple sauce – it was wonderful. She gives the greatest advice – it was so good to be able to just sit and talk to her, really talk. She is no doubt a mother to me. She has given me so much strength, encouragement, and peace so many times. There are no words I can express for the love that I have for her and her boyfriend.

Temple, Reunions, and a Good Long Talk

What a day it has been - I am utterly exhausted, and really quite surprised that I made it this late. I thought I was going to loose it around 5pm, and now its past midnight!

The sealing this morning - there are no words to describe the amazing feeling that was there. I had prayed that I would get confirmation about them being sealed, and I did. They walked into the sealing room and as the sealer gave counsel and instruction - which was perfect for them - a flood of memories and emotions cam flooding through my mind. The first time I went to their house, and I thought, "if I ever have to go there again I may die", to leaving here and thinking it would be nearly impossible to leave. It was worth every penny it took to get here. The spirit that overcame me - with total love and gratitude that I had been a part of that. That he had given me the opportunity to be a witness of the beginning of a great miracle - the miracle of change, true spiritual change.

I was able to see Sis. Countryman, the Stevenson in laws, Sis. Aanerud, Anya, and Kristi. I wish I would have been able to sit and really talk with Kristi - I miss her, and talking to her. She is amazing. She taught me so much about faith in following your leaders, she has an inner strength that comes from that faith in Jesus Christ that I am in awe of. Anya is about to burst, literally - she is due with her baby girl in a few weeks and Sis. Countryman is pregnant again. The Gardners, Haskins and Sis. Howard came over fro dinner - how wonderful it was to see them. It seems as if everything and yet nothing has changed.

Sis. Howard and I sat and talked for what seemed like only an hour or so, but she only left a little bit ago - which means it was multiple hours. It was good to talk. There is something about talking with someone you love and admire that just makes you think. It is one of my favorite things to do - it brings me an inner peace and calm. I think it is like that quote about how it is often through other people that the Lord meets our needs. And that is one way that he does it for me, giving me people I can talk to - on a deep personal level.

I wish I could stay longer - to have more time to just talk.