After the Storm

I think there is a gospel principle which is not discussed as much as it is relevant.  The perfect example of this is Joseph Smith when he prayed.  If you read the account it is not till he says "I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction...I saw a pillar of light..."  It was not until he could not do anymore that God came in and rescued him.

I wouldn't say yesterday that I was about to abandon all hope by any means, but it had been one of those days and after going to dinner with Shay I felt as if I were going to go into another panic attack.  Then I go the mail.  Among the junk there was a strange letter from and address I was not familiar with, other than the city - Frisco, TX, my greenie area on the mission.

I opened the letter and found a baptism program and thank you card from a man I had taught.  He was one of those you never expect anything will come of.  Not, that he wasn't receptive simply that he would not be willing to live it.

There is no greater joy than feeling as if you you played some small role in bringing one of Father's lost children home.

A need to write

Well, it has clearly been much too long since I have written - my background has even been lost, the real sign that I have been either too busy, too tired, or too occupied with other things to know.  And while I could spend the time catching you up on what i have been doing there is not much to tell other than I have been to a bridal shower and reception every week for the last month and have one more month to go of about the same routine.

Other than that, life is about the same - work, sleep, gym and then work some more.  The kids all came back for a visit this last week and will be here for a couple weeks which will be fun - things are more chaotic with them home - the house doesn't stay clean, the milk runs out quickly, and the house is still awake after 10:30pm at night.

However, today I just needed to write.  I had a good morning and for some reason or another I feel very stressed right now.  The original plan was to get up - walk (which was deterred slightly as my knee was killing me still this morning), make breakfast (which was delayed because the milk was all gone), read my scriptures (which was distracted because people began to be awake and ask questions about all sorts of things), then enter the last 100 donations in my file into the database by 11am, make a quick Costco and Great Harvest bread run (something else I was missing this morning for breakfast), and be to work just after 12, noon.

Well, the data took longer to enter than I anticipated, Blake bailed on going to Costco and I got to work at 1:00pm.  And while I should simply accept this and move on, I am frustrated and stressed.  Which writing it all down seems quite silly.  So it took longer than I anticipated, and I'll just have to go to Costco tonight.  Not really a big deal.  Except that I still feel some angst about it - I suppose it could be some carry over from my anxiety attack last night.

Ultimately I simply wish I had 4 more hours in the day - that would give me sufficient amount of time to accomplish all that I needed to and get my necessary to stay sane 8 hours of sleep every night.  If anyone knows how to do that I am willing to pay big money.

One Year

As I was sitting reading my scriptures this morning I realized that today marks exactly one year of being home form my mission.

It seems very strange.

I was reading about faith when it hit me.  For all that know how long it took me to go on a mission, not only the time, but more the struggle with God as I pitted my will against his.  It was a true lack of faith.  A lack of faith in Jesus Christ that he had a plan for me, which was better than my plan for myself.  Looking back now I know that His plan was better.  However I am still led to ask myself, if God asked me to leave again, would I do it?  And even more so than that would I do whatever was asked of me.

In light of the overturn of California's proposition 8 yesterday, it hit me harder than it has before how close we are to the second coming of Jesus Christ.  The world in undoubtedly become more wicked and evil every day.  And people continue to choose Satan's plan.  The struggles that I and each of us will face will be more than any of us can imagine at this time.  The only thing that will get us through will be a solid foundation built upon faith in Jesus Christ.

We must have a correct understanding of Him - characteristics, attributes - we must trust Him with our whole souls if we are going to survive the next years.

I think I have a long way to go and my only hope is that I will be bale to stand till the end.